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My Hearts Stance by yachtclub My Hearts Stance by yachtclub
Some of you may know what this is in regards to, others just take it how you read it. *I never write, but a couple different pieces came out of me this summer, so be nice.

+Many thanks for the photo from * shaterddreamz :heart:
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ZethHolyblade Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2004  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Very deep words man, I love this poetry piece; very beautiful. Yep the expression is caught perfectly so this poem is indeed touching.
abandonedpyro Featured By Owner Aug 11, 2004
Its beautiful……. There is such power and feeling behind your words.
braidy Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2004  Hobbyist Photographer
:aww: Myself being mainly a poet, it really is great to see deviants who in your case, mainly do photography, branch out and have a bash at writing. And with this poem, you have done well. :nod:

I especially love the way you have split the positive and negative sides of the poem, with the ' -- '. That works brilliantly as a pause for reflection on the first stanza, before moving onto the second half.

The only suggestion I could make is the punctuation. The full stops at the end of the 'Too...' sentences seems to close the statement you are making, before it has been completed with the second line. My suggestion is not to subtract the punctuation completely from the first line, but to modify it like this;

'To love you;
My life is complete, worries slip away when you are by my side"

But for all the second lines, I would take away the punctuation, leaving the line like it is above.

These are only suggestions. They are not 'the rules' of poetry. If you think that the poem conveys your feelings and emotions as it is, leave it! There's no need to change it! I am just trying to show a different approach to the piece, not necessarily a better one. :)
soulwrai Featured By Owner Jul 6, 2004
this is a bloody well done piece, very poignant writing i like it... great job on it!
Darkainian Featured By Owner Jun 26, 2004
im here asking about thatoslevantine, one of the people on my watch list. i was just wondering why you banned him, and if you actually read any of the others' comments that were made/noted to him.

in any case, he told me to ask you if it is possible for him to take his work off this website, seeing as to how he's unable to because it is under the status of banned.

anyway, thanks for your time. i hope you consider unbanning him so he can leave this site.
Satanic-Concubine Featured By Owner Jun 20, 2004   Writer
Simply beautiful...
dreamheaven Featured By Owner May 13, 2004
awwww Scott, you made me smile and get all happy, then lead me down the depression path.. well done... beautiful expressive work :hug:
slippymcfist Featured By Owner Apr 29, 2004
This piece is kind of banal, perhaps it would be better to take a more mature approach to the subject.
NeoPiter Featured By Owner Apr 11, 2004  Professional Photographer
Very nice poem indeed, very touching. Well completed with the exquisite photo :)
sexypenguin Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2004
honest and so sad. eloquently done
saltandpepper Featured By Owner Mar 19, 2004
YOU were the one who wrote this!

I remembered the stock photo...

I wasn't a member of deviantART then, I think...:o

I'm not sure what I can say without mimicking the 38 people who wrote above me...:roll:

I'll just :clap: because I don't have any words for this.
Anurizm Featured By Owner Dec 19, 2003
that shattereddreamz is a fine piece of meat :nod:
taintedeternity Featured By Owner Dec 16, 2003  Hobbyist Writer
come on i hardly ever read or check your stuff and the one time i do you decide to make me cry???? whats with that so full of emotion and you know comming from me thats a lot :(
inureyes Featured By Owner Dec 4, 2003
the reality u create in this poem is completely heartbreakin love this poem its saturated with beauty and sorrow
cybrghst Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2003
:+fav: this is beautiful, really touched me and i really admire words and thoughts that make me think, feel. THis is really deep and has alot of meaning to me right now, i pushed the best thing that walked into my life away, foolishness, and and not listening to myself and just really being a fool, and now i live with it, no hope left, just pain, memories, each step i take in the journey, each corner i walk around she will be there, all the words she wrote, the poems, the feeling, now bound between strings, and left to remember the loss and the pain, and to understand what mistake i made.

These last lines of yours: everything i thought yesterday while i was out shooting, and trying to sooth my soul, beautiful job my friend..

To lose you.
Our love stolen away, never to be returned as the thief was you alone.

To replace you.
A position no one can fulfill, my heart recovered with a scar.

To remember you.
Mixed emotions play on the mood, bitterness to heartache overwhelm me.

To forget you.
The hardest thing I've been forced to, never would I wish this punishment on another.

To only write this to you.
My mind and heart catching a distant memory, feelings never to be shared again…
neuroticallyurs Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2003
that is one of the most beautiful thing i've ever read, it's so touching and full of emotion, i have to +fav it awesome photo choice as well
PrincessArwen Featured By Owner Oct 19, 2003  Hobbyist General Artist
beautiful shot..:) So simple, but still it says so much.. awesome work :clap:
deviousflash87 Featured By Owner Oct 15, 2003   Writer
wow...i like this...nice job
S-Tatic Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2003
scott i didnt read this till today, because im never on dev art but buddy thats deep, I hope your feeling better now.....sorry this is really delayed
nezz Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2003
I find the picture quite uplifting and positive. It is like she is about to walk out into a bathe of warm sun and be renewed.

To forget you. The hardest thing I've been forced to, never would I wish this punishment on another.

After reading this I must say I have been in a situation like this, to cut someone out of your life that meant so much is horrible. Damn I am gettin emotional in my old age :P
faulty Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2003
Very beautiful.
madsick Featured By Owner Sep 8, 2003
:( this is so great...i recognise the feeling, it's amazing how you put it in words...awesome
alchemism Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2003
Delicious poem my friend.
Quality work.
heartstaken Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2003
i sadly feel this... and i can relate.. its beautiful that you can feel and share this emotion.. :+fav:
randomcasualty Featured By Owner Aug 31, 2003
Lovely shot. I like the way the sun hilights her hair at the edges.
sugacube Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2003
wooo i lurve this! perfect setting :)
achfoo Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2003  Professional Photographer
:nod: Everything I said before. heh, it really does 'connect' somehow. The little actions and thoughts create an understanding bond with the reader.

Awesome photo choice, by the way. The girls pose comes across as either tempting/inviting or as opposing/blocking a goal. That, and you can't tell if she's facing away or towards the camera. *ponders*
urban-writings Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2003   Writer
great piece keep on writing
ztaangel Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2003
This is beautiful good job!! :) it helps to write about your feelings :) thats what i do!! :)
stardusk Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2003
I don't know what to say. A beautiful peice of work indeed...
You used the perfect words to describe exactly how you feel. It almost broke my heart to read it...
You should write more often...
mibi Featured By Owner Aug 19, 2003
i like the structure but the words and imagery you used to convey the emotions are all rather bland... this reminded be of being in a convenient store, pickup up hallmark cards and reading them.... sorry, im not being mean, just honest.. you could have gone much deeper :)
apricotafterthot Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
It is powerful, and familiar. People like that.
I like that.
I love the photo.
fatesmistake Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
that is beautiful. i have felt this exact same way, i tried to put it into words, but YOU just did it perfectly....
iamnophotographer Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003  Hobbyist Photographer
beautiful composition scott :) the picture matches it wich is great :D lovely ;)
eyecache Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003   General Artist
Incredible... at a loss for words here.


I completely know where those feelings comes from - I just have never been able to express it like you have here.

First poem on here i have :+fav:'ed .... ever. Thanks for sharing it with us!!
vitamina Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
:aww: so tender and sweet :aww:
nice piece scott
cya around
tandaa Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
Thats just so heartfelt and emotional. I just love it, you should write more often. :hug:
davidwburns Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003  Hobbyist Interface Designer
Nice one scott. Defenitely some of your more creative works. As what has been said already, excellent structure. Really hits a cord if you know what I mean.
lemontea Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
emo +5 kiddo :P :D

ANYWAYS, like I was saying, nice poem. It almost moved the cold dead hollow human shell I call my emotions ;)


//lemontea||more.addictive.than. heroine_+''
thelonegunman Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
nice piece man. though idiotsavant has a point, i gots no problem with you gone emo. ;)

cool thumb
idiotsavant Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
now now you know my stance on emo.... but before i go off on a ripping of emo tangent... i will say good work scott. Very good poem.. i think its your first poem on da too, correct??

thelambofgod Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003   Writer
this could make a killer emo song.
shaterddreamz Featured By Owner Aug 18, 2003
hmm this photo looks familiar :eyes: hehehe :heart:
well, thanks for letting me help you help me - sorta kinda not really :P

as for the poem - ill say it again ITS GREAT- honest & loving - when i read it i almost felt like i could hear a piano- like it was music-not workds

as for the photo... eh i suppose it goes good enough with this poem, stil doesnt due justice to the poem but :shrug: its good nuff ;)
the title is PERFECT though... hehe good choice :heart:

:devilish: already 2 :+fav:s hehehe muahahaha!!!
RabidInsomniac Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2003
I really like the form of this. I normally don't like poetry that doesn't rhyme, but this is awesome. I have never seen this form of poetry before. more power to yah! great poem :+fav:
haxon Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2003  Professional Digital Artist
"To love you.
My life is complete, worries slip away when you are by my side.

To look upon you.
From the very core of my heart I sway at the sight of you.

To be with you.
Knowing that I'm yours and you mine, I face everyday without fear and hesitation."

i know exactly how u feel! =D

...or is it felt??!

anyhow, this is a really nice poem, i think you did really good at piecing together the negative and positive aspects of the love between two people, i like the positive side most because i feel i can relate to that side more..=) ill be :gallery:


sweetness123 Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2003
*tear* It is beautiful. That is all I can bring myself to say.

:heart: ashlee
pumpa Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2003
very nice scott :) powerful
abrazokoan Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2003
Very nice, love the picture and the prose, works well together, both never revealing whom its about
desertpenguin Featured By Owner Aug 17, 2003
Great structure flows nicely as well. :hug: Very well written hun. :)
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August 17, 2003
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